Archive for May, 2005

The English Language

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people:

Recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes
off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS: Why doesn’t “buick” rhyme with “quick”?

Yeah, That was Swift

Light Sabre Duel

Testing

Orange McFishy says “this is a test”


Leave it to 7-11 to start selling “Darth Dew”


Your Star Wars Name and Title

Your Star Wars Name: Micd’ Ropri

Your Star Wars Title: Yarstr of Nomis

Your Star Wars Name and Title


Star Wars Horoscope for Leo

You add a whole new meaning to self-assurance.
You are a nurturing person with great physical strength.
Like many Leos, you will see that your mission for good is completed.
You are very optimistic about the future.

Star wars character you are most like: Princess Leia

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Holy Pink

Well thought I’d change the default template just to change things up a bit.

Don’t forget to go and vote today

PPPhhhtttt!!!

Well just scrap all that was said in the previous post.
1. We don’t have enough room on our current web server to install MT and,
2. We were too busy to undertake the whole living room re-arrangement I wanted.

So maybe next weekend.

The Big Redesign

Well I’m at it again (Michelle not working = Michelle re-designing her website) Recently Linz changed from blogger to MT and so being to optimist that I can be at times (and partial copycat) decided I should at least look into it.

After perusing around the net for a while, I realized that this seemed to be the grown up cool person step in blogging, so why not. Now for those of you who have followed my progression in the internet world know that I have a definite war going on with anything blogger template related and that it fights with me any chance it can. (This being the reason I’ve been using the blogger template I have for so long, the last time I played with my template I totally broke it and gave up)

So step 1) proceed to MT’s website 2)download appropriate software (this was a change but ok) 3) extract contents of said download 4) read installation instructions 5) freak out 6) turn of computer and go to bed.

So that’s where we left that, I’ve asked the Hubby to give me hand but he’s been so busy at work that he basically comes home, eats then falls asleep. So maybe this weekend. In the meantime though I have designed and excellent layout (no html behind it just the way I want it too look) and we’ll see what happens from there. So Linz be aware that if we proceed with MT you may be getting a “please help me” call this weekend.

On the other hand another pastime when I’m not working involves re-organizing the apartment. It’s been at least a whopping six months since we did that last so I’ve got some ideas going around in my head on what we should do around here this weekend. This pastime by the way drives Simon nuts as he gets all out of sorts when his living area is being ripped apart and redone.

I’m sure he’s much rather sit down and try installing an MT blog as opposed to messing with his comfort zone, but I am the female around here and am therefore allowed to resort to pleading and whining to get his cooperation in this matter, then he can play puter all he wants.

The Whiz

The Whiz, For Women!!!

This has to go be one of the funniest products designed for women that I’ve even seen. It would be worth trying but certainly not paying for as I could see the whole thing turning into a big mess due to leakage, that’s all I’m gonna say. I imagine it would be used once or twice then end up in the back of the bathroom cupboard with all the other useless stuff that we’ve forgotten about of the last few years, only to be found and thrown out the next time we move.